[sarcastic] Toby's concerned that the peaceful solution I brokered in Kashmir last year was the result of a drug-induced haze.
Toby looks at the President.
LEO
[to Toby] I was there with him. So was Fitz. So was Cashman, Hutchinson, Berryhill...
TOBY
Well, that's fantastic.
LEO
Toby!
TOBY
None of you were elected!
BARTLET
I was elected, they were appointed. [points at Leo] The Vice President was elected. He has the constitutional authority to assume my...
TOBY
Not last May he didn't. [rises] He didn't last May when you were under general anesthesia.
BARTLET
That's because I never signed the letter, but I don't think I got shot because I got MS.
TOBY
I don't think you did either, sir. I meant that during a night of extreme chaos and fear, when we didn't yet know if we'd been the victims of domestic or-or foreign terrorism or even an act of war there was uncertainty as to who was giving the National Security orders and that was because you never signed a letter!
Leo looks uncomfortable. The President glares at Toby.
TOBY
So I'm led to wonder, given your condition and it's lack of predictability why there isn't simply a signed letter sitting in a file someplace? And the answer, of course, is that... [laughs] if there was a-a signed letter sitting in a file someplace, somebody would ask why.
Bartlet looks angrily at Leo.
TOBY
[angry] The Commander-In-Chief had just been attacked. He was under a general anesthetic. A fugitive was at large, the manhunt included every federal, state and local law enforcement agency. The Virginia, Maryland, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Delaware National Guard units were federalized! The KH-10 showed Republican Guard movement in southern Iraq. [yelling] And twelve hours earlier an F-117 was shot down in the no fly, and the Vice President's authority was murky at best!
Barely controlling his anger, Bartlet walks behind his desk.
TOBY
The National Security Advisor and Secretary of State didn't know who they were taking their orders from! I wasn't in the Situation Room that night but I'll bet all the money in my pockets against all the money in your pockets that it was Leo... who no one elected! For 90 minutes that night there was a coup d'etat in this country.
Bartlet stands furious. Leo looks at Toby.
BARTLET
And the walls came tumbling down. I feel fine by the way. Thanks for asking.
LEO
Sir...
BARTLET
[angry] No, Leo. Toby's concern for my health is moving me in ways...
TOBY
Mr. President....
Bartlet furiously throws the folder across his desk.
BARTLET
[yelling] SHUT UP!
Bartlet stalks back around the desk and faces Toby.
BARTLET
[condescending] You know your indignation would be a lot more interesting to me if it weren't quite so covered in crap!
Charlie stands in the doorway.
CHARLIE Sir...
BARTLET
[while glaring at Toby] Yeah.
CHARLIE Mr. Garreth.
BARTLET
[acknowledges Charlie] Thanks.
Charlie quietly closes the door behind him.
BARTLET
[angry] Are you pissed because I didn't say anything or are you pissed because there were 15 people who knew before you did? I feel fine by the way. Thanks for asking.
Bartlet walks to the other side of the room. Leo, standing between them, stares in shock.He puts his hand to his forehead. Toby stands quietly looking at nothing.
LEO
[to Bartlet] Take the call in here.
Bartlet nods.
LEO
[to Toby] We'll step outside for a minute.
Leo motions to the door. Bartlet glares at Toby. Toby looks at him quickly before following Leo out. Bartlet walks back over to the couches and collects himself for a moment. He then picks up the phone.
And a fear of rectangles. That's not weird, is it? [pause] I didn't cut my hand on a glass. I broke a window in my apartment.
LEO
This guy's walking down a street, when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep. He can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up "Hey you! Can you help me out?" The doctor writes him a prescription, throws it down the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up "Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey Joe, it's me, can you help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole! Our guy says "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here!" and the friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out."
Josh looks at him.
LEO
[cont.] As long as I got a job, you got a job, you understand? [gestures to Josh's hand] You wrapped that yourself, right?
JOSH
[raises eyebrows] The bandage?
LEO
Yeah.
JOSH
Yeah.
LEO
Okay. Donna's gonna take you to the emergency room.
JOSH
She knows?
LEO
She was the one who guessed.
JOSH
I don't need the emergency room.
LEO
Come on, it could be infected, you could have a thing.